Sleep the Clock Around

A couple of things that I've been thinking about recently:

1) When I've written about eradicating fear, I'm mostly (if not entirely) referring to the fear of things not happening or not going well or as planned, etc. As in the fear that my life is not going to work out how I picture it in my head. So, I suppose living without fear= letting go of the things I have no control over. For example, I've become obsessed with the search for a fellow (as in the synonym of companion, but I like the word fellow (and fella makes me smile)), which I'm not very happy about or proud of, but anyway, with this comes a large fear that I will either never find a person or that there are opportunities that I'm missing out on and that are passing me by. And this has caused strategies that when I step back and look at are not ones that I want to use. So this is what I mean by eradicating fear and how that is not very successful as of now. I'm not sure that makes much sense since I have only moderate faith in my ability to explain my trains of thought to others.

2) In a similar vein, there have been times when I've become despondent for about as long as I can remember. In the past I've dealt with these times not in the most productive ways, but in ways that only involved me. This changed around the time that I entered my first serious relationship, when I would attempt to talk to people while I was melancholic. Now, it's almost become a compulsion, which results in me pestering a lot of people quite frequently, which I don't like doing. I apologized to someone I've been pestering, albeit in a way that goes along with thought #1 rather than this, last night, so I give myself a little pat on the back for that (I like to celebrate small victories). But, to all of you out there in readerland, if I've been incessantly bothering you, I'm sorry and I'm working on both ceasing and desisting.

Movie recommendation: Transamerica
Album recommendation: Wings Over America
Book recommendation: Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson