We Looked Like Giants

I suppose I should be surprised at how quickly I can pass from mood to mood, but I'm really not. And lately, as in the past six months or so, I really have no control over my emotions whether they're good or bad. And I've noticed for a long time that I have no control over the bad ones, but lately I have nothing over the good ones either. I'll walk down the street fucking giddy and laughing and I don't even know why. "I don't know about you, but I swear on my name they can smell it on me, and I've never been too good with secrets" This is one thing that I think happened earlier tonight, though I could be wrong. The girlfriend of the guy I'm fixated on came into the bar after I'd been there for a while. She passed me, we made eye contact, I smiled politely. I got caught up in another conversation. Then, one guy that I was talking to me, who I had told the situation to, tells me that this girl kept giving him the eye and smiling, as if she thought I was with him and wanted to make me jealous. Now, I don't know if this is what actually happened, but if it is...it amuses me endlessly. Too bad I didn't end up in a good mood to enjoy it. Instead I'm in more or less a very confused state. Since I just dropped this guy off. The last time I did this, he made out with me (I didn't know how to not respond) and I ended up in trouble since I was inadvertently making out with one of my friend's boyfriends. So, now he is no one's boyfriend, and I found myself in the same situation. And instead of just explaining that I didn't want to make out with him, I found myself once again doing nothing and just kind of going along with it. I don't know why I do the things I do. Hopefully, some day I'll at least figure part of it out. Oh, Ben Gibbard, when will you be mine? Oh, Jill, when will you learn?