Doctors and Douchebags

About a month ago, I made an appointment with a gynecologist. A few days after, a nurse called to inform me that the results of my pap smear were abnormal and that I would have to come back to have a colposcopy done. I had to do some internet research to find out what this test is, and the first phrase to come up in my search was cervical cancer. So, I freaked out for a little while, then felt better after I was assured that this sort of thing happens somewhat often and that usually everything is fine. I go in for the test tomorrow morning, but I'm not sure when I'll be given the results. So, as I'm yet to find out if I have cancer or not, I've decided (and made a deal with Chris) that if I do have the disease, I get to shave my head. I've always had an itch to do this, but Chris doesn't want me to. Now's my chance! In fact, maybe I'm rooting for the cancer right now (it comes with the added benefit of immunity from judgment--if it turns out that I look atrocious bald, no one can acknowledge it without then feeling like an asshole). We'll see...

I've been training for a triathlon that will occur on August 29th. The training began well, but I'm quickly losing motivation these days.

I recently got around to seeing the film Gone Baby Gone and walked away with mixed feelings. It was an interesting story and was very well-acted. I thought Ben Affleck did a good job directing it (except for the reveal near the end, which I thought was overdone). The dialogue could've been much better, but from what I've read, most of it was lifted directly from Dennis Lehane's novel. It was frustrating for me to watch, though, because almost every character is an utterly terrible person. So many characters make so many bad choices and justify them so self-righteously and with such hypocrisy, that I spent half of my viewing yelling at the screen. Many of the reviews praise the film for its moral ambiguity. To me, there's nothing ambiguous about it--Casey Affleck's character makes the right decision (in the end, not in the house during the shoot-out) and everyone else is in the wrong. The truth is the right thing and such means as the police used in no way justified the end they sought. Also, on a particular side-note, if you truly care about the well-being of a child, you should protect them, even if it hurts you--don't force the police to pry her out of your hands, it's incredibly selfish and harmful to the child. Okay, so maybe I didn't really like the film that much.

2008: A Year in Movies

I have not seen many films this past year. Sadly, I have only seen 12. And now, with the Oscars two days away, I will rank the 12 films of 2008.

12. Wanted - this may make it onto my list of worst movies I have ever seen. Really awful film.
11. The Fall - I would've liked this one more if it was more coherent and had I not been disappointed at the lack of a climax. It's a beautiful film, though, and Lee Pace is excellent.
10. City of Ember - This was enjoyable, but it had the scope of a TV movie for kids. Bill Murray was the best thing in the film, as usual.
9. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - It was a fun movie, and Eddie Izzard was fantastic, but I didn't enjoy it as much as the first Narnia film and it got a bit too Jesus-heavy for my liking.
8. Burn After Reading - I was really looking forward to this one and was a bit disappointed. I understand that the characters weren't supposed to be likable, but I wasn't invested in them at all. J.K. Simmons stole the show.
7. Quantum of Solace - I love Mathieu Amalric and enjoyed this movie, but I'm tired of action sequences that are shot with shaky cameras from a vantage point where you can't really see what's going on.
6. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Okay, so this was a disappointment, but it's still an Indiana Jones film.
5. Be Kind Rewind - It was a little hard to get into, but once you're there, it's very good and has some of the most creative filmmaking in recent memory.
4. Snow Angels - It's not a light, heart-warming romp, but it does have a light, heart-warming storyline with two teenagers falling in love. And it has Amy Sedaris and Sam Rockwell. Sam Rockwell.
3. The Wrestler - Also not a light, heart-warming romp, but it's executed well and you really care for the title character. Great acting as well.
2. The Dark Knight - Heath Ledger gave the best performance of the year as Joker. It's better than Batman Begins, which was also great. It comes in at a close second to...
1. Wall-E - I don't what else to say other than marvelous.

Marry Me

So, it's that time of year again. Though the year isn't over yet, I don't think I'll have time to see anymore movies before January 1st. I have seen 20 films that opened in 2007. I don't really like ranking movies since some of the decisions are difficult and I always feel as though I'll regret where some of the films end up in my list. But, without further ado, here is my list of films for 2007:

1. The Simpsons Movie what else would be #1? Fantastic!
2. Paris, Je T'aime even better than I had hoped, a wonderful film--all of the segments are great
3. Lars and the Real Girl very touching and done perfectly, a wonderful example of when all the parts (directing, writing, acting) come together to create a marvelous whole
4. Bender's Big Score though not released in theater, it is a superb culmination of the series and I can't wait for the other three DVDs
5. No Country for Old Men this would be higher on my list, though this year saw a lot of great film competition
6. Hot Fuzz I really wan't expecting much because of ignorance (I haven't seen Shaun of the Dead), and it blew me away
7. Charlie Wilson's War while Tom Hanks is spectacular, as usual, I really enjoyed this film almost solely because of Philip Seymour Hoffman (the fact that his character, both in personality and appearance, reminded me of John Roderick didn't hurt)
8. Live Free or Die Hard I had faith in Bruce Willis and the Die Hard series, but let's face it, with a title like that, I thought maybe it wouldn't be so great. I would say it's the best in the series, except that they're all this great
9. Stardust a very fun film that doesn't take itself seriously, but also doesn't make too much fun of itself
10. Waitress a wonderful and bittersweet film that almost makes me want to eat pie
11. The Darjeeling Limited not the best Wes Anderson film, but still a good film that, though it might sound cliched, really does take you on a journey as an audience as the characters' layers peel
12. Shoot 'Em Up a very fun movie that features some of the most creative ways to kill people
13. Ocean's Thirteen I did really enjoy the film, but it seems to have faded away quite a bit after viewing
14. Dan in Real Life perhaps this movie would be lower on the list, but Steve Carell and Juliette Binoche are enormously charming
15. 1408 though I was disappointed that Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a bigger part, this movie had more to it than I was expecting, it's premise is very intriguing, more so than I thought it would be
16. The Number 23 also an intriguing premise, though less so that I thought it would be
17. 28 Weeks Later I found this movie a bit frustrating, none of the plot would've happened if people hadn't been incredibly stupid, which I suppose is true of almost all films, but shouldn't there be a good reason to make a sequel to a really good first film?
18. Starter for Ten I was disappointed by this film since I do really really enjoy trivia, but James McAvoy has a very nice accent
19. Blades of Glory should've been funnier
20. Knocked Up this could possibly be in the last position of the list of movies I have seen period, and it's such a shame to see Paul Rudd in such an awful movie

There you have it. There are a lot of films that should be on this list that aren't. Perhaps one of these years I'll actually have the time and financial resources to see all the movies I'd like in the theater. And perhaps someday, seeing a movie in the theater will be a much better experience. I've been noticing quite a few chains making steps in this direction, either having late shows for those who are over 17 or catering exclusively to adults (with lots of disposable income, mind you). Here's hoping...

Land of Confusion

I saw Knocked Up last night. I didn't like it. I am very confused by the lavish praise, the adoration of the critics for this one. It's an "instant classic" apparently (Really?! Really?!) I suppose I should refrain from too much judgment, as the terrible viewing experience may have had some negative influence. I really like seeing movies in the theater, but almost every time I've been to the theater for the past couple of years, I have been frustrated and have now come close to the point of never going to the theater again. If it's not issues with the sound or lines showing up on the film, it is the utter stupidity and lack of consideration by the other people in the theater, who do not merit the term "fellow moviegoers." Last night, the onslaught of irritants began early. There was a preview for I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which, whether offensive or not, simply looks stupid and not at all funny. One moment in the preview, Adam Sandler's character feels Jessica Biel's character boobs, then quickly removes his hands and tries to cover his I'm-supposed-to-be-gay-I-can't-like-boobs (there's already a problem, everybody, men, women, gay, straight, children, wolves like boobs. They're pretty awesome) with "Yucky!" This elicited a guffaw from the guy behind me. Now the couple behind me did like to talk a bit during the film, and the girl apparently missed the title of the movie since she kept gasping when Alison (Katherine Heigl) found out she was pregnant, but they at least tried to whisper and the guy could be heard shushing a bit so as not to bother other people. I still don't like you, couple behind me, after all, you would laugh at a joke that wasn't really funny and then cement my notion that you weren't very bright by repeating that line, a sign that you have mastered the ability to regurgitate words that you have just heard, but at least you're making an effort. This was not the case for the I'm guessing fifteen year old girl two seats down from me, who was actually partially sitting right next to me, since one of her legs was propped on that seat. Not only would she laugh in a kind of high-pitched girl-who-screams-in-public-when-she-sees-her-friends-five-feet-away laugh and also repeat the joke that was just said, she provided a running commentary, and not just whispering, but talking aloud, which consisted of: "Those boots are so cute!" "That's that one guy, I can't think of his name now" (when a Stephen Hawking reference was made) etc.

So, perhaps I would've liked the film a bit more had I not been seated in the we-ate-paint-chips-when-we-were-young section, but I'm not so sure. Upon originally seeing previews for the movie, I was underwhelmed. But then, the critics were saying good things, and I do like the people involved, so I thought it would be a worthwhile movie. Turns out, my first instinct was right. What was wrong with it? Well, let's start with the characters. Alison works at E! but has no idea who Doc Brown is. At the beginning of the film, I didn't think she had any actual personality, but then it gets worse as she becomes the hormone-driven pregnant woman stereotype. At one point, she goes into full-hose beast mode, gets upset at Ben (Seth Rogen) while driving, stops in the middle of the street (strangely no one began honking, which I would've done immediately had I been in the car behind her) and kicks him out of the car. I take it we're supposed to smile knowingly and think "Oh those pregnant woman, always crazy and acting like fucking cunts!" Except I find it hard to laugh at/care about a character who I would like to see bit a curb (sidenote: I grow very weary of the idea that pregnant women can act out and be excused. Yeah, it sucks to be pregnant, and yes, your hormones are wild and you feel differently than you normally do, but that is not an excuse to be a terrible person or to make those around you miserable. You want to have a baby? Fucking suck it up and deal with the process). Then there's her sister Debbie (Leslie Mann) who is also a pretty huge hose beast. I was pleasantly surprised to find that towards the end of the movie she becomes slightly less of a huge hose beast, but how many times are movies and tv shows (I'm looking at you Everybody Loves Raymond) going to present us with women who want to manipulate the person they're supposed to love, have no interest in sex, criticize everything around them, and have irrational fears about their children that are supposed to come off as maternal love and justified when they're actually more akin to paranoid witch-hunting? Debbie and Pete's (Paul Rudd) marriage, according to the critics, is supposed to be a realistic depiction of marriage and its troubles. Except that what it actually is is two people who are entirely wrong for each other who got married because of a pregnancy and would now probably be better off divorcing. Then there's the praise the film gets for all of its cultural references. Yes, there are quite a few. How many of said references are actually good and humorous? Maybe ten percent (including one that actually was really good about Meg Ryan). The rest were more along the lines of "Hey, I've seen movies. Like Total Recall. Remember that movie? Wasn't it good?" When a cultural reference is in a comedy, I would like that reference to be used in service of a joke or clever and creative, not just there, only for the sake of a cultural reference.

All this being said, the movie wasn't that interesting and wasn't that funny. Although, it did promote Munich at one point, which, unlike Knocked Up, is filmmaking at its finest.