A Post About Boobs

Ah, diversion from what I need to be doing right now. Lately I have been comparing myself to celebrities in terms of breast size. And it tends to make me very happy, since I have never been able to stack up, as they say, before, and as I'm still in the stage of finding my breast size a novelty. So, I was looking up some of these a minute ago, and for some reason was saddened to discover that Christina Aguilera got implants. Judging the evidence, I'm pretty sure that I knew this already, but wouldn't admit it to myself. I'm not sure why this news disappointed me considering a) I'm not a big fan of her work, b) people can do whatever they want to their breasts, c) discovering that people with 'ideal' boobs have implants should make me more secure and therefore glad. So, I thought I'd compile a bit of a list of where I'm at in the ranks of celebrities' (reported) breast size, leaving out the fact that it's a bit skewed since most of these women are much thinner than I am. For a small sample, I'm using DeansPlanet.com for my sizing. I suspect that some of these are inaccurate, but I trust the good people at DeansPlanet to report honestly, and boost my ego.

Bigger than me:
Dolly Parton
Raquel Welch

Same size:
Christina Ricci
Elizabeth Hurley
Halle Berry
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Uma Thurman
Salma Hayek

Slightly less, possibly about same size:
Britney Spears
Demi Moore
Marilyn Monroe
Mariah Carey
Tyra Banks

Smaller than me:
Cameron Diaz
Cindy Crawford


Los Angeles, I'm Yours

So, it's been a while. I've been fairly busy, what with all the procrastinating I have to do. But, the most important and landmark event that has occurred since our last engagement, dear reader, was truly phenomenal and something that has still not been truly understood by my brain. I...met...Colin...Meloy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it? I can't. A couple of months ago, I met Ben Gibbard, which was also very surreal and fantastic, but I didn't say anything to him other than getting his autograph. My harem isn't ranked, per se, but I think Colin Meloy is on the top of the pile, so it's especially extraordinary. But, from the beginning....
Saturday, November 11th: Chris and I drove to the city fairly early, arriving at the Riviera Theatre circa 11:30am. We began to walk around the building to see where the line began, if there was a tour bus anywhere, etc. and passed a man and woman on our way. I looked at the man and thought he looked familiar, and then realized that it was Chris Funk, the guitar player extraordinaire. As we passed them, I called out "Chris" and he turned around. I had him sign my copy of God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater and wished him a good show. He then went to the Borders across the street. Thinking that perhaps other Decemberists were looking at books, Chris and I scoured the bookstore in search of the so-far-elusive Mr. Meloy. No luck. Chris bought a cup of coffee from the cafe, and I asked the barista there if there were any book or record stores around the area, ones that might catch the fancy of a rockstar, perhaps. He pointed the way to one down the street called Shake, Rattle, and Read. Chris and I trekked over, and on our way came upon Jenny Conlee, keyboardist extraordinaire who was very friendly and mentioned that a friend of hers was once in a band called God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater. Filled with more hope, we roamed the small bookstore, but alas, no Colin there either. I did buy a copy of John Steinbeck's The Short Reign of Pippin IV, and chatted with the owner. He knew the Decemberists and I told him that he should give me a sign if Colin Meloy came in after we left. We then went back to the front of the Riviera to wait in line. Good thing too, since three college students came by shortly to also wait in line. After standing there for a few minutes, who should walk by on the sidewalk but the top member of my harem, Colin Meloy!!! It was very disorienting, but I tried to maintain my cool, suave veneer. I smiled and waved and then walked up to him and said hello. He signed my book, surprised at our early arrival at the theater, and noticed that I had already seen two of his bandmates. I wanted to ask a question, both out of curiosity and a need to make the conversation longer, and so asked him about the version of The Crane Wife that he read, since I noticed a discrepancy between his lyrics and my copy of the book. I wanted this question to seem smart and astute and interesting and impressive, though immediatly after asking, I felt it was none of these things. He answered that there are several discrepancies between the numerous translations of the book. He then walked down to Borders. After jumping up and down for awhile, Chris mentioned that he could take a picture of me and Colin on his phone when he would come back to the theatre. I was conflicted between wanting a picture and the possibility of spending more time with Colin Meloy (in person!!!) and coming off as a bothersome fan. Colin came back a little while later, walking with Jenny, and Chris took two pictures of the three of us, one with Colin's arm around me!! I wish I could remember what it was like to stand next to Colin Meloy with his arm around me better, but it's all a bit of a haze, what with the shock and disbelief. I told him about Shake, Rattle, and Read and he thanked me for the recommendation. Fast forward six or seven very cold hours, and Chris, my friend Dave, and I were standing in the front row, center stage, thoroughly enjoying a wonderful concert. The whole band stayed back from the edge of the stage the whole time, but Colin would come up every now and again to the loud roar of the crowd. At one point, he straddled the edge of the stage and the barrier that stood a couple of feet from it, his foot mere inches away from me. Oh, it was fantastic. This meeting has yet to fully sink in to my consciousness, and I don't know if it ever will. It's very strange. I've watched, read, and listened to everything from and/or about Colin Meloy that I can find, so part of me feels like I know him, yet it was made very obvious to me on Saturday that I don't. It's very odd to reconcile. So, goal #1 of meeting Colin Meloy, check. Goal #2: befriending Colin Meloy and seeing him often, soon, my friends, soon. So....anyone want to move to Portland?