If I Would

Things have been going pretty well up here in Michigan recently. I have a job I enjoy, work with people that I like (for the most part), and have been doing fairly well in the happiness department. I have been trying to think positively, to remember to relax and not worry so much, to look at things brightly. It's actually been working shockingly well, that is until it spectacularly fails. Well, it's not so much that it fails but that I am the way I am and am never going to be happy and/or content all the time. But right now, I'm consumed with sadness, self-pity, and anger. Happy days are here again...(which I learned the other day was FDR's campaign song, and that he liked to add a couple of drops of absinthe to martinis he made, thereby earning a reputation for making the worst martinis that Hyde Park visitors had ever tasted). The thing is, I know that the dark cloud will pass and I know that it affects my thinking and my outlook, but every time it happens, in the immortal words of Lou Gramm, it feels like the first time. It doesn't matter that I know it's transitory, I can't shake the feeling that it's permanent. It never feels different or better, it's always terrible. Last night, I was mean to Chris, who is down in Belleville with family and friends. And I know that most of the anger was because of my feeling sad, but everything is so immediate and there is no tomorrow. Except for when there is, and it just looks awful. So, I'm trying (but I get awfully tired of trying all the time). Anyway...I'm working on a Long Winters crossword puzzle. I just learned that Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel are engaged (which was quite surprising since I didn't know that she was the person he's been dating). Much to my surprise, Bristol Palin had a kid (I was sure there was going to be a mysterious "miscarriage"), although the mystery of the other kid, what was his name Cosine?, remains. And that's about all for now.