12.30.2008
If I Would
Things have been going pretty well up here in Michigan recently. I have a job I enjoy, work with people that I like (for the most part), and have been doing fairly well in the happiness department. I have been trying to think positively, to remember to relax and not worry so much, to look at things brightly. It's actually been working shockingly well, that is until it spectacularly fails. Well, it's not so much that it fails but that I am the way I am and am never going to be happy and/or content all the time. But right now, I'm consumed with sadness, self-pity, and anger. Happy days are here again...(which I learned the other day was FDR's campaign song, and that he liked to add a couple of drops of absinthe to martinis he made, thereby earning a reputation for making the worst martinis that Hyde Park visitors had ever tasted). The thing is, I know that the dark cloud will pass and I know that it affects my thinking and my outlook, but every time it happens, in the immortal words of Lou Gramm, it feels like the first time. It doesn't matter that I know it's transitory, I can't shake the feeling that it's permanent. It never feels different or better, it's always terrible. Last night, I was mean to Chris, who is down in Belleville with family and friends. And I know that most of the anger was because of my feeling sad, but everything is so immediate and there is no tomorrow. Except for when there is, and it just looks awful. So, I'm trying (but I get awfully tired of trying all the time). Anyway...I'm working on a Long Winters crossword puzzle. I just learned that Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel are engaged (which was quite surprising since I didn't know that she was the person he's been dating). Much to my surprise, Bristol Palin had a kid (I was sure there was going to be a mysterious "miscarriage"), although the mystery of the other kid, what was his name Cosine?, remains. And that's about all for now.
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4 comments:
Damn you Ben Gibbard, snatching up yet another girl that I had absolutely no chance with. Bastard.
Sorry to hear about the...thing...um...you know, when your sad...that thing. As far as I know, there's just about no damn way to get you out of one of these, so I'll just say this; when things are good, feel good fer chrissakes (there is no way to write that without a red squiggly, but at least chrissakes has some google hits, while Christsakes (which is how I actually say it) has a redirect to Chrissakes, implying to me that it is the more common of the two...though of course I didn't do a search on Christ's sake, but I really don't like the idea of separating it out into the two words it actually is, as it doesn't fit my idiom). Actually, now that I think of it that probably won't do any good at all, it'll probably just seem condescending.
You know what, screw it, just feel better, ya?
Oh, and be nice to Chris. He's a bastard, but he seems like a nice fella.
Thanks Dave. I am feeling better. And Chris is a nice fella.
I was all afraid something had happened, like someone had died or Chris and you had broken upp. I'm glad it's none of those. Since it seems to be otherwise unfounded sadness in the dead of winter,... does it often hit you in winter?... I would look into SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)/ basically seasonal depression. The nice part about that is that you can usually treat it without meds, just light therapy. Best of luck & feel better!
Oh shoot! Did I send you an invite to our new year's party? You're invited!
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